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Imperial Triumphant – Abominamentvm by orlandooom407

“The order of the world is always right – such is the judgment of God. For God has departed, but he has left his judgment behind, the way the Cheshire cat left his grin.”

~ Jean Baudrillard

Thematically, Imperial Triumphant’s latest release, and first full-length album, is shown provocatively on the album cover itself. Christ hangs crucified not to a cross, but to a gigantic and filthy-looking engine with what could be a pair of large machines or simply extensions of the engine itself. The message here seems to be that Christian ideology subjugates and renders slavish its subjects in the same manner as the machines and technologies of the modern world dominate peoples’ lives and fates. Screens absorb the masses into seductive virtual hallucinations while millions are driven out of their jobs and purposes towards society at large by machines and robotic replacements. It is rare to see anyone now without a computer small enough to fit in their pocket, and even rarer to see one of these people not neurotically attached to such a device, depending on it for everything from communication to navigation and pornography. To travel anywhere in most civilized areas, one needs to depend on a car, or some form of mechanized transportation. To not be utterly and completely detached from the happenings of the world, one needs a virtual connection to our vast virtual repository of information: the Internet. Mankind may have created machines, but machines now rule mankind, and as Baudrillard would put it, the object now rules the subject.

Technology, in its cold rule over humans by their dependence on it, is a kind of extension of the abstract rule of an ideology like Christianity, taking the weak and addicting them.Did mankind not create both God and technology (perhaps unconsciously) for that express purpose: to compensate for weakness and absolve sufferings? We are so burdened by our responsibility to our will and fate that we must give it away to something else, so obsessed with production and surplus that we must minimize the time spent doing every possible activity (through technology of course) in order to keep up with the world, which accelerates with this very technological progress as its engine. The situation seems unbreakable whereby man creates technology to increase production and reduce the time needing to be spent on a particular act, but ends up over-working himself rather than gaining anything at all, because the extra time gained from these concatenations are simply spent on further activities, and the cycle continues ad nauseum. We are crucified by what we created to liberate and enable us. The same way Christian morality and metaphysics turn its followers into a herd of slaves (if they were not already), technology eventually comes to dominate its users and turn them into slaves dependent on its power and the comfort it brings to their lives, much like faith and resignation to an abstract all-loving and eternally-just God. Further, in the same way capital displaces the value of things and transfers them into an abstract endlessly-modular and exchangeable unit (money), the ideas of Heaven and God and similar abstract sources for value rob the natural world of its own value by stating that value can only be located within a “beyond” or an intangible God.

In ‘Abominamentvm’’s lyrics and music, the cyberpunk fear of technology’s subjugation of mankind, and black metal’s essential rejection of Christian metaphysics and morality doing precisely the same thing, are combined in full force. The overall pace of the album is very discordant and seems heavily inspired by the almost free jazz progression styles of other third-wave black metal bands like Blut Aus Nord and Deathspell Omega, with songs sometimes lacking any discernable structure during various points. The bass playing is very impressive in this album and on a few songs even breaks out into a bass-driven solo where the bass is usually pushed almost to the very back layers of the song. Despite these strengths, the music is so discordant that those with a taste for distinct melodies and song structures will only find those so-often within the songs. Discordant songs tend to run together and leave the listener with no distinct memory or idea of what they have listened to, which while interesting left me with little desire to hear any particular song again.

I feel the strongest songs on the album are ‘Manifesto’, ‘Crushing the Idol’, and ‘S.P.Q.R.’ which all have some pretty solid and technically fascinating progressions, even with the overall discordant embrace in which the songs are played. Again the bass solos and general bass prominence, along with unconventional sounds like air raid sirens, sound very interesting within a metal song. When the riffs are rolling they remind me of Marduk’s militant and pounding black metal style, and often the riffs will start after a nice drop-off in the song’s structure, carrying that much more impact. There are well-made and atmospheric transitions throughout as well, and they really help to drive home the palpable feeling of a terrifying “deus ex machina” future of mankind, sounding at times like the aftermath of war, and at other times like the harkening to a dark future. While I don’t aesthetically care for the discordant dissonance on this album, it does certainly fit the theme; it evokes the image of furious and free barbarians of the future reclaiming a world enslaved by religion and technology through hate, sweat, violence and fire.

– Maher



Chimpgrinder – Voulme 666 EP by orlandooom407

Hail to the chimp baby. If you’ve got a coffee break in need of some bluesy doom metal make sure to check out the widget at the bottom. Chimpgrinder are a Philadelphia based quartet that bequeathed this roasting homage to Black Sabbath, rather than Napalm Death which their name initially implies. While there isn’t any ground breaking experimentation going on here what you can expect includes a red hot familiarity any metal head can identify with, I mean unless you don’t like Sabbath or Sleep. Tidbits of the riffage give  nod to more modern doom metal half-timed variations which bear a striking similarity to Triptykon. The vocals are littered with the coarse testosterone you come to expect from anything correlated with Satan and certain all-natural medicines. It’s super short so don’t delay and take five to unwind.

LIKE Chimpgrinder on Facebook.

– Jared Oates



Happy Saturnalia! by orlandooom407
December 11, 2011, 8:21 pm
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Hey fools! If you’re like me, the holiday season makes your dick soft (or your vagina drier than my sense of humor, insert gender here). After black friday shows us the true dark side of the human spirit, everyone across America is exposed to bullshit politeness, relentless campaigns to put the “Christ” back in Saturnalia, and the always-present spectre of Zombie Bing Crosby crooning that timeless Nazi anthem, “White Christmas.” Unless you really love wool, Jesus, the colors red and green and/or are missing one of your parietal lobes, the holidays tend to jack up your blood pressure by more than a few mm/Hg. What better way to sneeze the hate out of your charred black soul than to revel in the best and worst holiday-related metal videos? Join me in my rage cage, kick your feet up and grab a bowl (of popcorn, or something.):

I feel no holiday is complete without this song. Fellow doomhead Sean McDonnell agrees. If I had it my way, this would be blasting in every Zales and Macy’s in the country instead of the 999 version of Silver Bells. The King turns the holidays into an effigy, declaring “There’s no presents, not this Christmas!” Right on! KD would be more likely to drop down the chimney to perform a sacrifice in your living room than to actually give you anything, anyway. I feel he missed an opportunity to say “Satan needs a helping hand” in the second verse, but hey, I’m not the King.

VH1 says that Run DMC has rock cred since they performed “Walk This Way” with Aerosmith an eon ago. VH1 also confuses rock for metal on a regular basis, and since I can only think thoughts that are fed to me by the tube attached to the back of my skull, Run DMC must be metal. If you think I have brain damage, watch the video and tell me there is anything heavier than seeing Crackhead Santa and his strange, half-pubescent illiterate elf slave. Shouts to Bobby Lee from Hong Kong and Iman Zumbal from Lagos, Nigeria. Nice.

Everybody’s probably seen one of these before, but this is a brand new 2011 edition of Slayer Christmas Lights. I love how creative this guy is with his light sequences, and even gets the Snowman’s mouth to move very accurately with the words. Very cool, and anything that injects Slayer into Xmas gets my approval 100%.

Christmas ist Krieg! Erlosung has been doing the Xmas metal thing for awhile now, and I love me some frosty black kvltic covers of Christmas classics. I encourage anyone who works in retail to troll their customers and hijack the PA to put this on.

Finally, we approach this mindfuck of a video. Everything is wrong; leopard print guitar straps, drummer with a headset, 80’s butt metal values and tenets, everyone has shades in the studio, Twisted Sister still has a career…this is the closest thing to a compressed, 6 minute long experience that brings forth all the same putrid emotions and fears that I feel over the entire holiday season. I am in some ways thankful for finding this and in others, very deeply regretful. It should provide some catharsis if you just got elbowed by some fat bitch at Best Buy, or if you need inspiration for finally going out into the living room and mowing down your family, holiday sweaters and all.

Alright, so these are neither the best or worst holiday videos out there, but they all hold a special place in my heart. Have a laugh, inhale some artificial snow and always remember that Santa has a list, but if you’re reading this, you’re probably not on it, you filthy, godless atheist. Happy Saturnalia!

– Chris Nunez



Looks Like Somebody Got The Wrong Memo by orlandooom407
November 15, 2011, 9:30 pm
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I couldn’t help but to post this after I saw it. I dub thee Kvlt Klown. Thanks to Angela Phurr for the picture.

– Jared Oates



Skeletonwitch – Forever Abomination by orlandooom407

I am writing this review as a public service announcement to all those of you who are concerned about the negative effects of ‘heavy music’ on yourselves, your loved ones, and most importantly, your children.  The vile band of heathens that call themselves ‘Skeletonwitch‘ are the perfect poster-children for the sort of amoral depravity I’m talking about here.  Now, I don’t have a problem with their actual name, as everyone knows that the only good witch is a skeleton witch because that means she has been properly burned at the stake.  But even the most cursory examination of the band’s so-called ‘logo’ turns up no less than seventeen (17) blasphemous and/or blatantly Satanic icons, including upside-down crosses, pentagrams, the head of Baphomet, and what appears to be an image of Jesus eating a bean burrito and wiping his face with the Shroud of Turin.

Add to this heinous idolatry the name of their most recent album: Forever Abomination.  I don’t know about you, but to me it sounds almost like they’re proud of it.  I won’t even get into the cover art as it is possibly one of the most obscenely genital-ridden panoplies of subliminal sex messages since Disney’s ‘Little Mermaid’.  I forced myself to listen to the entire album so I could be sufficiently knowledgeable on the disgusting topics and horrific Hell-spawned evil sounds contained therein and be able to properly prepare you all for the likely (nay, inevitable) march to world domination by hordes of unwashed ‘heshers’ this album will unleash upon an unsuspecting, God-fearing world.

First off, this album appears to have made its filth-ridden nest in the genre known as ‘blackened thrash’.  I was fooled by this moniker at first; again I assumed that the ‘blackened’ referred to the sanctified burning of all things unclean (devil music, Harry Potter, movies with Dakota Fanning in them) but apparently it actually refers to a vocal style perpetuated in the early 90s in Norway.  I’m in favor of Norway: they were wise enough to enforce a state-sponsored official religion, unlike the liberal hippie ‘freedom of religion’ crap we have here.  Unfortunately Norway is now in line for a hearty smiting for giving birth to the demonic screeching of so-called ‘black metal’.  Next we come to ‘thrash’.  Again, I was comforted by this term, assuming (as any pious man would do) that it referred either to the cleansing self-flagellation with studded leather straps that is the only true way to free one’s body of sin, or the appropriate police response to long-haired Democratic weirdos congregating in groups to whine about their ‘rights’.  Sadly, neither of these turned out to be true; instead my head was sodomized in a most unholy fashion by hammering riffs and acid-throated howling.  ‘Shredding Sacred Flesh’? ‘Infernal Resurrection’? ‘Reduced to the Failure of Prayer’? Do these monsters hold nothing sacred?

Well, clearly they don’t, and just as clearly they are completely unrepentant savages content to wallow in the juices of their own ungodly corruption.  So unless you relish the thought of having your brain seared by ‘blackened thrash’ that will make Jesus weep into his Gordita Supreme, stay far, far away from this album and may God have mercy on your soul!

Click here to order Forever Abomination, available from Prosthetic Records for only $10!

– Gregor Von Leakenhawer